Promises
For the past several years, I've bought myself a Hobonichi journal each year. It's a fun little tradition. Even before I started journaling daily, it felt like a commitment to myself: I would do my best to make the most of the coming year, to do something worth recording.
Beyond just the journal, Hobonichi sells a variety of thoughtful goods; often stationery, but just as often not. Last year, while perusing the site, I noticed a map of Tokyo's railway system. It's updated each year, and contains maps for not only Tokyo, but Osaka, Nagoya, and a few other key Japanese cities. It's a pretty object, but I've never been to Tokyo, or anywhere in Japan. This is not an item that would assist me in my life. But I bought it. When I did, I told myself that in 2024, I would make it to Japan; a dream I've now realized.
As a kid who grew up in the pop-culture landscape of the late-90s, Japan has long been on my mind. But it wasn't until college that I realized I could study Japanese for myself, because I wanted to. I wanted to become fluent, but I never had concrete goals for studying, like to study abroad or work for a Japanese company. I just did it for me.
Now, over six years (I'm a little fuzzy on exactly when I started studying!) after I first muttered "konnichiwa," I'm finding myself on my way to Japan for the first time. Honestly, it feels kind of amazing I got this far without anything more concrete holding me to it; people are often surprised I haven't been yet (especially those who speak Japanese, which is always really flattering). I simply got it in mind, and then set out to make it a reality.
We can only control a limited number of things in our lives, but that circle of influence is fluid, shifting based on how we approach it
When I purchased this map, the idea of actually going to Japan was as much of a pipe dream as it was six years ago. I was coming off a hard year "freelancing" at best, unemployed at worst. Despite my best efforts to set myself up for success, things simply weren't breaking right for me. Just like with my Japanese language study, I've still got a long way to go until I'm comfortable, but I'm working towards the life I want each day. This goes beyond my studying, and into my finances, my writing—how I spend my time and structure my days.
I'm not someone who believes in "the secret" or whatever, but like I wrote in this early issue of Refrakt, I do believe in what you might call manifesting. But the version I believe in is not about something mystical; it's really about a belief in people. It's about having clear intentions, and diligently working towards where you want to go. I think if you set goals for yourself, you'll be able to achieve much more than you expect. Sure, we can only control a limited number of things in our lives, but that circle of influence is fluid, shifting based on how we approach it. I believe talent and luck plays a role in our lives, but that you can prime yourself to "receive luck," as it were.
I haven't yet achieved the life I want. My novel is still just a manuscript, a work in progress (though over 20k words now!). I'm not beyond worrying about my income, and if studying Japanese to this point has taught me anything, it's that I've got a long way to go until I'm fluent like I want to be. But there are times in my life where knowing any Japanese seemed impossible, let alone going there. There are times where I maybe I wasn't cut out to be a writer; and who knows, I'm not there yet. I'm sure the road ahead of me is one filled with setbacks, with outright failures. But I also know I'm already in a spot I didn't think I'd be; that I have what it takes to keep going. I owe it to myself to keep working: it's a promise.
